I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Randomize
