They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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