I must be too annoying 4 u.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
