I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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