I think i peed on brittanys purse
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
