i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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