This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
