just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
