I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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