you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
