college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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