Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
im six kinds of drunk right now
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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