she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
