I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
