I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
