sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
