At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
