96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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