Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
