All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
