Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
