Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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