I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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