No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
