I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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