I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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