u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
