Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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