I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
