So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
