got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
