Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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