miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
