I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
