ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
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The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
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I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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