he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
