I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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