dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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