youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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