Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
