i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
