you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
