I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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