Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I understand Curling. That high.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
