The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
