I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize