We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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