I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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