So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Randomize
