Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
