i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
