So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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