I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
