no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
