She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
