You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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