So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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