i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
