I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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