Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
