so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
