So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
