woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
