I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
