i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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