you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
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I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
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The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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