I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
