There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
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As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.