Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.