Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
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You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
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Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.