she was so not down for the gang bang
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
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I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.