Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha