i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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