im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
