I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
